Maybe It's The Weather, or Something Like That

I’m not the kind to have prophetic dreams,
so I’m going to say that the run-in we had in mine
last night is probably not indicative of your actual
state of mind or willingness to accompany me
and Ira Glass
in a little rendition of “Buckets of Rain”
with or without the presence of that damned recording engineer
who seemed to have run off right at the pivotal moment;

but,
I’d love to know what you are thinking,
right now,
they way I do when we are lying in bed
and I feel farther from you than the distance
between Uganda and the Urals

Lying there, inches apart, two isolated islands—
the little archipelago of my thoughts
just shy of the distance one could sail
to get to yours.

“i love sidewalks that are all sparkly. i can’t imagine why a city would not get sparkly sidewalks. the sidewalk company says, “ok, 50 new sidewalks…. you want sparkles with that?” and the city says, “nah, we’ll take the ones with black, dried up chewing gum on them, instead.”

Feeling a bit of a mess today.  I need to get out of here and get some living done.

Ate the grapes, made the wishes, ran the block,
and here we are. 2012.

listening to the witmark demos
I realize that there are three things I need to learn
in the upcoming year:

-conversational french
-how to play the guitar
-how to let go of expectations

I’m quite sure you’ll help me with at least one of those.

I resolved only three things, and then
made a long list of things to do
wishes to fulfill, places to be traveled,
things to learn.

for now, it is this:

-photograph more
-let go of expectations
-seek revelation

But I ran the block with Uganda in my pocket, so there’s that, too. 
 

kneeling for the music for the adoration at the crib,
in the hazy nave of the cathedral tonight,
I cannot help but think: 

If I pray in as many holy places as I can find on this earth,
in as many ways and in as many languages,
will our wills ever align—mine and God’s—

and will you ever wake in the middle of the night
feeling the force of my praying for you at that distinct moment?

Will you know what it means, will the signs
and all the symbols line up with the time,
and will I be able to start saying a new prayer? 

From so long ago, a reminder of what it might be like, that is to say, Africa:

I have a birthday present for you. They announced the dedication of the Kiev temple today. August 29th. Let’s go. No, really. Let’s take two weeks and go to Kiev and the Crimea and maybe Moscow. What else are we doing with our lives? Nothing as wonderful as going to the Black Sea or seeing a Russian-speaking temple of the Lord dedicated. So Happy Birthday: let’s go speak some Russian, eat some blini, go to the temple, gulyat’ profusely, ride some trains and read Chekov in Yalta. And if you won’t go with me, well, I’ma go by myself.

in an abandoned, rainy Chelsea, on the darkest day of the year, I am listening to old Fresh Air episodes to stay sharp, and discover the most tickling and unsettling truth:

When I stopped paying attention, Trent Reznor’s speaking voice sounds like yours.

also, I really just love thinking about Terri Gross trying to interview Gene Simmons.

When you write and say that to be brave is to put down roots, 
to reach into the soil of a community and add your own nitrogen
take a little space of the canopy, cast a shadow and stay put
I begin to feel anxious about this big sweeping map I’ve drawn
the flowchart I made today during sacrament meeting, on the backside
of a google map/substitute tissue that is smeared with black streaks
(F-train, Maybeline)
that is taking more shape as the quite days go on.

What is the impetus for this, what is sustaining this walkabout
what is it that is pulling me forward, eastward, southward?
And if it is you—
and not the soil song, and not the slaves and not the slavs
and not the notch in my spine that says go go go—
then is it the right move? 

I want this to be the penultimate adventure
the one right before the one that changes it all
before that adventure of taking root with someone
somewhere.

What are we waiting for? I’m not sure I can wait seven months to be where you are.