February 2012
2 posts
January 2012
4 posts
Ira and Bob
I’m not the kind to have prophetic dreams, so I’m going to say that the run-in we had in mine last night is probably not indicative of your actual state of mind or willingness to accompany me and Ira Glass in a little rendition of “Buckets of Rain” with or without the presence of that damned recording engineer who seemed to have run off right at the pivotal moment;
but,...
on dying alone
“i love sidewalks that are all sparkly. i can’t imagine why a city would not get sparkly sidewalks. the sidewalk company says, “ok, 50 new sidewalks…. you want sparkles with that?” and the city says, “nah, we’ll take the ones with black, dried up chewing gum on them, instead.”
Feeling a bit of a mess today. I need to get out of here and get some...
It’s not even 11 am and you’re...
12x12
Ate the grapes, made the wishes, ran the block, and here we are. 2012.
listening to the witmark demos I realize that there are three things I need to learn in the upcoming year:
-conversational french -how to play the guitar -how to let go of expectations
I’m quite sure you’ll help me with at least one of those.
I resolved only three things, and then made a long list of things to...
December 2011
7 posts
a house of prayer
kneeling for the music for the adoration at the crib, in the hazy nave of the cathedral tonight, I cannot help but think:
If I pray in as many holy places as I can find on this earth, in as many ways and in as many languages, will our wills ever align—mine and God’s—
and will you ever wake in the middle of the night feeling the force of my praying for you at that distinct...
and then I did.
From so long ago, a reminder of what it might be like, that is to say, Africa:
I have a birthday present for you. They announced the dedication of the Kiev temple today. August 29th. Let’s go. No, really. Let’s take two weeks and go to Kiev and the Crimea and maybe Moscow. What else are we doing with our lives? Nothing as wonderful as going to the Black Sea or seeing a...
This Dark or Darker
in an abandoned, rainy Chelsea, on the darkest day of the year, I am listening to old Fresh Air episodes to stay sharp, and discover the most tickling and unsettling truth:
When I stopped paying attention, Trent Reznor’s speaking voice sounds like yours.
also, I really just love thinking about Terri Gross trying to interview Gene Simmons.
When you write and say that to be brave is to put down roots, to reach into the soil of a community and add your own nitrogen take a little space of the canopy, cast a shadow and stay put I begin to feel anxious about this big sweeping map I’ve drawn the flowchart I made today during sacrament meeting, on the backside of a google map/substitute tissue that is smeared with black streaks...
What are we waiting for?
I’m not sure I can wait seven months to be where you are.
1 tag
Love Songs
I. He wanted to feel the same way over and over. -Wallace Stevens, “This Solitude of Cataracts” LOVE SONG (SMELT) When I say “you” in my poems, I mean you. I know it’s weird: we barely met. You must hear this all the time, being you. That night we were at opposite ends of the long table, after the pungent Russian condiments, the carafes of tarragon vodka, ...
November 2011
7 posts
1 tag
tensile and tentitive
April 1-30, City of Lawn Sprinklers, for well-needed family time, over-timing on the fundraising, and general preparations to get-gone.
May 1-11, NYC, for BFSteph’s birthday (dear Lord, are we turning 27?), tying up loose ends, and moderating that panel discussion at the NYPL.
May 12-15, Bike across Ireland.
May 16-20-ish, London with Ashishi.
May 20-July 31, WWOOF in the South of...
with the rhythm now
Right now I would love to be curled up with you, listening to Otis Redding, humming along, as it rains obliquely and a little disconsolate outside, edging into winter.
I want to lay there all night, Amen on repeat after we’ve exhausted Champagne and Wine, and Pain in My Heart, and Fool for You—the sky growing pale as we add the rhythm section, the street glowing the damp color of a...
the highline
it happens every time on the highline, too. Why didn’t I just take you to Spunto and 55? As if that would have changed everything, made you love me rightthen, made you stay or say Come with me.
by 2 pm I am useless for all my fantasizing about being elsewhere.
I want to sell everything I own and buy some really sturdy hobnail boots and just leave; be the first person somewhere,...
I was not magnificent
I remember only so many things from the blessing Bishop Wilcox gave me today
the word disappointment appearing over and over
[Thanks, Rilke. Thanks, Sondheim]
But mainly, most importantly, that the thing I am meant to do
is something I do not even know exists yet.
Standing in the kitchen, opening the fridge to put away the brussels sprouts
I was struck with a wave of missing you, of...
stacks and stacks
I just keep thinking of more things I want to tell you.
I want to counsel with you, I want your advice on what I should do. I want you to be the wellspring of direction and conviction I drop my bucket into when I am floundering and thirsty for something to sustain me. I want to be flooded by your presence, by your reassurance.
Instead, we’re just trickling along, the end of the rio...
variations on no sleep
Just something before going to bed…
“
I would like to watch you sleeping, which may not happen. I would like to watch you, sleeping. I would like to sleep with you, to enter your sleep as its smooth dark wave slides over my head
and walk with you through that lucent wavering forest of bluegreen leaves with its watery sun & three moons towards the cave where you must descend, ...
I'll write you a postcard, I'll send you the news
now all I can think about is your avocado tree and this never ending beautiful weather that I don’t want to go away.
we are going to make this work, somehow, somehow. We’ll ride the ferries, we’ll sail the world, I will cook, you will sing.
for now, it’s a post office box in Gulu. For now it’s a dream of selling my furniture and my clothes and my weaknesses.
for...
October 2011
6 posts
3 tags
N+1
Funny thing is, I actually don’t feel like writing today.
I was going to send you a link to N+1 personals, which I think are hilarious (ISO snob for snog), but then, well, I just didn’t.
Am I going to France? coming to Africa? Getting a job at the MoMA and staying put? you tell me.
on the approach
I’ve been reading so much lately, now that the weather is to the point where I cannot ride to work every day. It’s a good feeling, somehow less guilty of a pleasure than TV (24 is my vice) and a sense of accomplishment always accompanies the completion of a book—another rung on my way to being able to keep up, even though I know I have a million books left to read (let’s...
1 tag
How am I just discovering Bon Iver now?
...
Even now, two weeks later, I catch hints of your base notes in my sheets. What am I going to do after I wash them?
I just watched Wayne’s World in the headquarters of a hedge fund.
I love adding a location to my world clock and world weather app…love knowing that at any moment of the day I can know whether its raining on you, or warm and windy.
exposure
I’m heading up to Boston tonight for the weekend, for Head of the Charles and apple picking, and frolicking in the fall glory. Running out the door this morning, I realized almost everything i have on my bookcase I’ve either read or could not undertake on MegaBus (Calvino, a series of essays entitled READ HARD, a collection of contemporary short stories in Russian, poetry...